Babies

Being that I am a Labor and Delivery nurse, I think about this often:  IT’S FUCKING CRAZY HOW BABIES ARE MADE.  It’s kind of a silly thing to say, because it’s like the age old question of stupid kids, “Mom, where do babies come from?”  But it’s so complex it’s unreal.  I can’t even fathom everything that has to happen to actually make tiny shit into a HUMAN.  Even after reading textbook after textbook and understanding the processes, it still blows my mind that a human body is capable of doing such a thing.  But obviously it knows what it’s doing considering there are a shit ton of babies born every day.  

First off, a female is born stocked up full of eggs (or follicles).  WEIRD.  I think of toddlers just prancing around with eggs in their ovaries.  I don’t know why this is so strange to me, but it just seems like your body should just produce eggs when you are physically mature enough to reproduce.  

And sperm?  Don’t even get me started how crazy those suckers are.  Just think, every time a male ejaculates, MILLIONS of sperm are released.  What’s the fucking chance that ONE makes it’s way to the fallopian tubes?  Maybe it’s not really that crazy, but I still can’t wrap my little brain around it.  Just looking around at you and me, how did we get to be the one lucky little swimmer that made it to get fertilized?  AND sperm can live for what, like three days?  NUTS! (no pun intended) You would think those tiny, tiny things would get tired and die off pretty quickly, but nope, they definitely outstay their welcome.  

Also, it’s awesome that the body can realize if the embryo is defective, and will get rid of the little fucker without your permission.  Like women have miscarriages all the time without even knowing.  THE BODY IS SO SMART!  Seriously… how do people not believe in natural selection when we know that this process of embryo aborting occurs?  I know this isn’t along the definite lines of natural selection, but kind of.  Obviously the body didn’t want that little sack of shit because it was messed up and wouldn’t be able to function properly in the outside world.  Humans want to have a great survival rate, be efficient, and be the best of the fucking best.  Can’t have that defective shit up in here.  

Blah, blah, blah, am I rambling yet?  I’m new at this, don’t hate me.  

And that’s just the BEGINNING!  I could honestly type my fingers sore writing all about this, but I’ll leave a lot out—for your sake, too.  Buuuut if that nonsense wasn’t mind-blowing enough, then that tiny, tiny sperm and little baby egg work their magic and make an embryo! …and after time, Voila! Ya got yourself a baby.  Shit starts happening.  Quickly.  A little ball of nothing knows how to form organs AND make them function.  It seems like 10 months is such a long time to roast a baby, but if you really think about all that has to go into it, it seems like it should take years! No wonder preggo girls are always super tired and hungry.  They’re practically a hard-working Mexican running the factory all by themselves!  Gotta have respect for these ladies, they’re working even when we can’t see it (even when they’re practicing their Kegel’s teeheehee :)) 

Anyway, I don’t really know how to have self control and limit myself when it comes to my thoughts, so I’m just gonna make an abrupt stop here.  Mostly because you guys know all the rest…big baby formed, expelled through vagina, everybody ooh’s and ahh’s, and the world is a happy place. 

Oh yeah, I’m really impressed if you actually read all of this.  Can’t believe you stuck with me.  Sorrynotsorry!